The Wow Factor

Like a first kiss. That first conversation. A breath of fresh air. Its so refreshing. Wow. That is all that you can think, to yourself as you replay everything back in your head. Its definitely not love. Too soon. Its just wow. It’s the wow factor. We all go through it upon the introduction of a new interest. It plays out something like this:

You meet. You exchange numbers. You play the waiting game of who calls who first. Then the call is made. Maybe it’s a text. Maybe it’s a bbm. That first conversation does one of two things. It either makes or breaks this new relationship. The first conversation is always fun. Its like the interviewing process, where you ask each other every question that comes to mind. It consists of trial and error. So at what point do you realize that you want to pursue a second conversation? When or how do you realize that this person is actually worth more of your time, in the near future? A few signs may be:

Few, close to no awkward silences. Plenty of laughs. A lot of in common qualities. The ability to agree to disagree on the uncommon qualities. The mentioning of a second conversation and/or a “date.” And for some, the feeling of “it just feels right.” If the initial conversation consists of one or more of the above mentioned, then you have just landed into phase 2 and nine times out of ten, you will leave that conversation with a slight case of the “wow factor.”

Now lets fast forward into phase 2……..Does your conversations, whether via telephone or face to face STILL consists of the laughs, non awkward silences and more common interests? We all get to a point within in relationship, romantic or platonic, where we realize that the relationship is either going to be a benefit or a load of sh**. The success of any relationship is based on the longevity of the “wow factor.” If and when you make it past the initial conversation, how long does that person leave you with a bold “wow” stamped on your mind? Have they wooed you long enough where even 6 months down the road, you still silently wow yourself, as if you had just met?

For me, it is very hard to come across a long living wow factor, but when I do, I am like a hooked fish because the wow factor is so hard to come across. So what wows me? Intriguing and genuine conversations. Common interests. Being taught something that I had never learned before. A conversation with a driven and goal oriented foundation. Personality. Laughs, laughs and plenty of laughs. If I engage in a conversation that consists of those qualities on a normal basis, then I have officially been hit with the “wow factor.” Now everyone’s definition of their own wow factor will be different and individually based. So to know the level of your expected wow factor, you must first know what it is that you want, need and expect to make and keep you happy. The good thing about the wow factor though, is its natural and doesn’t really have any set rules. Its raw, its there and you just know. The wow hits you unexpectingly and you find yourself saying it, without really saying it. It may not actually be the word, but the feeing that your mind is having. Your mind is in a state of wow.

The life of my longest wow factor started in 2000 and ended in 2009. For those nine years, I was in love with a man, whom I could not be with for many reasons. He knew how I felt about him, but because of many different circumstances, we just couldn’t/wouldn’t be. The day that he decided that I was the one that he wanted and was looking for this whole time; the day that he told me to my face, after not seeing each other in years, that he wanted to make US work; this day was the day that my nine year wow factor had officially died.

To this day, I still wonder why it took so long, was it me, was I wrong, was I being selfish and so many other questions, but the truth was, no matter how hard I tried to dig for an answer, my wow factor could not be resurrected. I had been facing this factor for so long, without it being reciprocated that my wow had finally died off.

The wow factor is a wonderful feeling. It makes you feel tingly on the inside. For me, I am like a blushing and giggly school girl. I love the wow factor and I wish that I could experience a longer version of it more often, as I date. At the same time, because the wow factor is a special feeling, everyone will not experience the longevity of it, but only those special someone’s who will hold a certain spot in your heart. Just think, everyone who has ever left you with a long lasting wow factor, is probably someone that you will never forget. An ex, your first love, your first heartbreak, etc. we experience some of our best and worst times with these wowers. I just know that I am looking forward to the day when I experience my final wow factor and it will be a lifetime of the wow factor. Everyday that I wake up next to him. Everyday when I fall asleep next to him. His smile. His joy will be my joy. Our life together, as one. Now at that point, it will no longer be the wow factor, but he shall become my Mr. Wow For a Lifetime. Wow.

By Monisa Mason

Ever Been Speed Dating?

Dollhouse x Livin Legends x Varsity Squad= Cuffing Season, a speed dating event!

What Went Wrong?

A WOMAN'S FIRST AID KIT TO RELATIONSHIPS.....PLEASE BUY THIS BOOK!

Beyonce has been good with representing for the ladies, anthems that stroke our ego, giving us that extra ounce of confidence in the club, whenever we hear that song. “I don’t think you ready….,” “I’m a Survivor...,” “To the Left to the Left….” and “Diva is a female version……” She has been pretty on point with telling our men exactly how we feel, but the truth of the matter is that while Beyonce seems to be everyone’s emotional and lyrical spokeswoman, have we taken a look at ourselves as well, in the relationship to see in what ways we could’ve been wrong also? Are we taking these devastating break ups and learning from them? Or are we blaming the men every single time, when in reality, some of it was our own fault? I am not saying that every time you and your boo break up, low key, it was your fault and to blame yourself, but I am saying to look at the situation, look at what he did/didn’t do AND look at what you did and didn’t do also.

When a break up occurs, we as humans, male and female, have a tendency to quickly point the blame at the other person. “He kicked it too much.” She was always nagging.” He had wandering eyes/was too flirty.” She was too insecure.” And the list goes on. While some reasons may be legit, sometimes, we have to look at the person for who they are, look at ourselves for what we need to do to help save the relationship and look at the fact of if we feel that the work is really worth it.

Ladies, let me talk to you for a minute:

We all love to say that he was in the wrong. We all love to make him seem like the enemy when we talk to our friends about the break up. We all love to believe that it was all him and he was the reason why the relationship was ruined. It makes us feel safe, better about ourselves and most importantly, secure. So after the “emotional rollercoaster” of the “I miss him,” I hate him,” etc. we take it like a grain of salt and move on, or try to at least, but are we really moving on? We sweep the “problems from the past” under the rug, until they build up. But you can’t hide dirt under a rug but for so long. It needs to be cleaned or you will ruin the rug. We as women, cannot run from past situations and not deal with them, or they will ruin us as women. Our souls will be killed and then we become that “bitter woman”, the infamous syndrome that all men like to diagnose us with. So before moving on to the next man, really take the time to think about what went wrong in the last relationship. While it is likely that it was his doing, it could’ve as well had been your doing as well. Relationships in general, are like a domino effect, unfortunately. How one person acts, what they do and say are fed off of and then the next person reacts based off of those actions. So maybe he really does have those wandering eyes but maybe because you weren’t giving him the attention that he may have really wanted/needed. Or he could just be a loser. But as women, we need to learn and understand why our men do what they do instead of assuming it and trying to change them because that will only push them away, causing them to do the stupid things that they sometimes do.

Everyone knows the good ole saying, “Men are from Venus and Woman are from Mars.” This statement holds a lot of substance and truth and should be taken seriously. What we as women fail to realize or understand, is that men were built differently from women. I can take it back biblically, but I’m not going to today. Men aren’t emotional creatures. Therefore, they cannot relate to our emotions and to the small things that we are sensitive about. They weren’t built to think like us and we weren’t built to think like them. So we need to stop assuming that they know how we really feel about certain issue, because 9 times out of 10, they don’t and never will. I can go on and on about the differences between men and women, but instead I am going to strongly encourage all of my ladies out there, single and boo’ed up, to read “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn (http://www.shaunti.com.) After reading this book, a lot of light was shed on men and women and how we as women, need to try harder to better understand that important man in our life.

Once we decide within ourselves to understand and not assume, then I do believe that our relationships/friendships with the opposite sex could be a lot healthier and successful and I am speaking from personal experience. I can truly say that I am not as stressed out when it comes to men because I look at their actions differently now. I don’t excuse everything that they do, but it doesn’t get me as upset anymore and that’s what we women need, that sixth sense of not allowing men to destroy us emotionally, but to accept some, and I stress, SOME of their actions as they are, and working WITH them and not AGAINST them to help make them that better man that he is destined to be. Now that’s a real UPGRADE!

Now for the fellas, check out her book, “For Men Only” because you can learn a thing or two also, about the special lady in your life.

By Monisa

Just Another Sad Love Song...

Welcome to heartbreak my friends. It's that time of year again when people ditch their cabin fever along with their significant other in favor of the freedom warmer weather brings. Many of us have a playlist on iTunes ready for such occasions. I usually start out with some Stevie or Alicia Keys. But when I break out the Prince and Sheryl Crow? Well you might just want to check on me at least three times a day. Anyway, I'd like to share my personal sad song essentials reserved for special circumstances:

Atlantic Starr- "If Your Heart Isn't in it"
I love this song. Ever deal with someone who you really like, but they pretty much seem like they hate you? Like with a passion. Well I wouldn't know how that feels (lying), but I would imagine it sucks. This one is for when mere actions just won't do. You pretty much need for them to say they hate you directly in order for it to sink in:

"If your heart isn't in it
Why can't you tell me so?
If my heart wasn't in it
I'd have gone long ago
If your heart isn't in it
Why keep me hangin' on?
Just tell me and I'll be gone
From your life"

Isley Brothers-"Hello It's Me"
Beautiful song. This one's for when you know good and well it's over between you, but emotion gets in there and its hard to just walk away. Usually, this is accompanied by an "it's complicated" relationship status on Facebook.

Hello, it's me
I've thought about us for a long, long time
Maybe I think too much but something's wrong
Something here that doesn't last too long
Maybe I shouldn't think of you as mine

Prince-"The Beautiful Ones"
Don't get me started on Prince. This song is for when you really, really want somebody who just doesn't seem to want you back.

Baby, baby, baby
Can't you stay with me tonight
Oh baby, baby, baby
Don't my kisses please you right
You were so hard to find
The beautiful ones, they hurt you every time

Teddy Pendergrass-"Love T.K.O."
You've been lied to, stood up and you're not sure but they may have even cheated! Their cell phone stays locked and on silent. Sad thing is, you've been here before. Teddy's grainy voice will have thinking about some things on this one.

Lookin' back over my years
Guess, I've shedded some tears
Told myself time and time again
This time I'm gonna win
But another fight, things ain't right
I'm losing again
Takes a fool to lose twice
And start all over again
Think I'd better let it go
Looks like another love T.K.O. (Oh...oh...oh...)

Stevie Wonder-"Rocket Love"
This song is pure heartbreak. It's for when you're dealing with a person who loves you one day, then hates you the next. A roller coaster ride for the heart.

You took me riding in your rocket gave me a star
But at a half a mile from heaven you dropped me back
down to this cold, cold world
Took me riding in your rocket gave me a star
But at a half a mile from heaven you dropped me back
down to this cold, cold world

Sheryl Crow-"Strong Enough"
And this is where it gets pretty serious. Forget pride, forget all the bad things. You don't even care anymore. You just want them back.

When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I'll believe
Lie to me
But please don't leave

Okay, that's enough of me and my sad love songs. What songs do you have on your iTunes playlist for bad breakups?

by Ciara

You're Turning Me Off: End of the Night Edition

As young, mildly to extremely-attractive people we all have our preferences regarding potential mates and dates. Some guys like 'em tall, some ladies like 'em short. When something just ''does it for you," you really can't be blamed for what you like(1).
And the same applies to what you don't like....which leads me to my topic today: complete and utter turnoffs. We ALL have them. Now I'm no spokesperson for what women want; a few weeks ago I was into some other stuff, but what I can comment on is what most women, the right kind of women(2), definitely don't want:

1). TO BE GRABBED, POKED, PRODDED, VISUALLY RAPED, etc ANYWHERE
Why oh why do some men think it is acceptable to grab at a complete stranger? Unless a woman is about to fall, I cannot think of a single good reason. If you would like some attention simply come and talk to a woman. Or, better yet, simply look good. I guarantee not a woman in the room will overlook you. Especially when every other dude is looking like a casting reject from G's to Gents.

2). TO BE YELLED AT
Please don't yell at us. If we have made it more than about 15 feet ahead of you, just stop talking. This usually applies when one is walking out of a late night establishment. As a matter of fact, don't wait until the end of anything to come talk to a lady. You don't even really want her number. You just expected to have better luck inside, and when you didn't you realized you paid to get in and spent more than $50 at the bar and now you don't want to leave without at least a souvenir. We are, after all, in a recession.

3). TO BE REFERRED TO AS 'LIGHT SKIN', 'DARK SKIN', etc
Pretty much anything other than our God-given names. Of course most of you won't already know our names, but there are other options. If you totally ignored #2, or you just want to make a nice introduction, just say 'excuse me miss.'. This may seem corny, but all you're doing is approaching a lady as a lady. I can promise you she won't be walking to her car afterward thinking, "I can't believe he called me 'miss', how rude!" Further, some of us don't like to be defined by merely our shade of skin. That's just rude. What if we called after you "hey fatboy," or "hey dude-I-have-no-intention-of-calling-but-he-bought-me-a-drink-and-when-he-did-I-saw-he-had-a-lot-of-money-in-his-wallet-plus-his-friends-are-uglier-so-whatever!" Have I gone too far? Probably.

4). TO BE APPROACHED AT THE CAR
Please don't do this. Bottom line, if I am standing near the car I am even more ready to go than Wanda*. My feet hurt, my eye makeup is running down my cheeks, my edges are standing at attention...it's not a pretty sight. And if you're a lady sitting there reading this saying you look just as good at the end of the whole night as you did when you walked in, you suck, you're a liar and I'm jealous. Anyway, it's so much more than this, though. If I am in or near my car and you have followed me there, you just might get sprayed in the face with some mace. Neither of us really wants this to happen.

After, giving this post some thought, I said to myself, "Ciara, there are so many more turnoffs to be named. You have barely scratched the surface." So, with that said, I may be back with more. There are indeed, other scenarios that should be shared. But in the meantime, what are some of your own turnoffs, specifically following your going out experiences (i.e. after a club, party, etc)? We'll talk about the other ones later!

1. Unless you only like married men or something else just stupid.
2. The right kind of lady refers to one who doesn't frequent websites like this.

by Ciara

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

Cleveland comedian Steve Harvey has reemerged in the spotlight with a new look and a new book. Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man is Harvey's New York Times Bestseller, coauthored by Denene Millner (a personal favorite), that will soon have everyone talking. With advice on how women can better understand their men and improve their self esteem this book is like an even more blunt He's Just Not That Into You.
Among other things Harvey breaks down the three things men want from women: support, loyalty and "the cookie" (bka sex). "I don't know nobody that don't like cookies!" Harvey said this morning on The Today Show about why he's referring to the act as a delicious treat. And very importantly, the three ways men show love for women: profess-a man will know in the first six months if he wants to keep you or throw you back in the sea (so no more of this waiting for him for two years nonsense); protect-while being nurturing isn't in a man's nature, he wants to keep you out of harms way; and provide-men want to be able to take care of you in some way or another.
Harvey just may be on to something. After two divorces and raising twin daughters he just might be an expert. He urges women to stop lowering their standards and allowing men to take advantage.
I must say I'm definitely excited about his book, but whenever I read these relationship books (which is almost never) I begin to wonder-are men really these ignorant, insensitive, preying, manipulative monsters we can make them out to be? I most definitely know at least one who is, but the majority of them?! I sure hope not. I just don't see men reading about this stuff like some women do. Anyway, I think we could all use a refresher course on respecting and asserting ourselves now and again, and if not, pick it up for your sister, mother, cousin, etc. Who wouldn't want to read a book about cookies?!

by Ciara

Happy Valentine's/Single Awareness Day

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, or Single Awareness Day as we lonely people like to call it. I wanted to ignore the fact that it's going down altogether, but you can't really escape it. Anyway, I'm not going to give you tips on how to get a Valentine and not be left out in the cold. I clearly don't know, I'm single! What I would like to do is offer suggestions for not ruining someone else's day, and in turn being like me.

Do...
...Get her flowers! I don't care if she told you once that she hates flowers. EVERY girl likes getting flowers! I've been known to say the same thing. They die, they don't smell that good, they need too much care, I could go on. But there is nothing like a young man showing up at your door, roses in hand. And yes, you need to get a dozen!

...Something different. If you both always go to the movies, don't go on Valentine's Day. Switch it up. You can get back to your routine next weekend. Let them know you made a conscious effort to make them happy.

...Use V-day as a day to just live in the "now" and not think too heavily about your relationship and where its going. No arguments, tension or crying this weekend.

Don't...
...Use tomorrow as a platform to say something serious unless you really thought it through. You can make the day special without telling somebody you're in love with them or want to be in a relationship. Unless you know that's what you want just fall back a little and don't get overtaken by all the love in the air. You might regret it by Tuesday!

...Snitch on yourself without even snitching. If you have a date tonight and a date tomorrow with someone else, you need to be prepared. Your date tonight will be thinking, "Why can't I get a date tomorrow night? He/She thinks he/she is slick, but little does he/she know, I have a date tomorrow ,too. And I'm just going for a free meal." Let Friday night's date think you can't possibly be with them on V-day because you have plans-with mom or grandma. Who can get mad at that? Your V-day date won't be worried about it because they get the actual holiday. You just might want to make sure they don't have a date Friday night, too.

...Take your date to the same restaurants you go to for Mother's Day, your cousin's birthday, or graduation. You know what I'm talking about; Red Lobster and the like. It's just not going to cut it tomorrow. Now, this IS coming from a girl whose favorite restaurant is Olive Garden , but understand that your date probably won't be as classy as me, and as secure in her high class to sit and share a bowl of salad and with you.

...Go ALL out. Maybe I'm alone on this, but it's just a little holiday. I wouldn't expect someone to get me anything too costly or crazy (see above). Save the fireworks for July and just focus on being a sweety.

Those of you celebrating V-day enjoy!

P.S. I almost forgot. V-day is NOT just a day for the ladies. That means we should be putting in work, too. Don't forget that!

by Ciara

Out of Date Ideas?

Fellas, the next time you ask your doll out for a date don't resort back to the dinner and a movie routine. Get creative! Here in Cleveland there are a ton of fun, low-cost options that could be the difference between landing you in the dollhouse...or the doghouse!

Where: University Circle Ice Rink
When: now through Feb. 16th
Why: This is the first time Wade Oval has become available for outdoor ice skating. Who cares if you can't skate! It'll be that much more fun trying to hold each other up. Visit www.universitycircle.org for more info.

Where: Cleveland Museum of Natural History, Cleveland Museum of Art, Cleveland Metroparks Zoo and Rainforest
When: anytime
Why: Seriously, when is the last time you went to the museum? Have fun while learning something new. Go to www.cmnh.org, www.clemetzoo.com, or www.clemusart.com for details.

Where: Karamu Theater
When: now through Feb. 16th
Why: Playwright Thomas Gibbons and director Terrance Spivey team up to deliver "A House With No Walls," third in a trilogy of plays. Take in a little drama and encourage discourse over a racially driven play set in Philadelphia. Sure, it's no Cleveland, but Peter Lawson Jones does make a cameo. Call 216-795-7070 or visit karamu.com for details.

Where: The Corner Alley
When: Anytime you like after 11:30am Mon-Fri, and 4pm on Sun (but if your doll is more babydoll than barbie doll she can't get in after 9pm!)
Why: An "upscale" bowling experience, get competitive and have a drink or two. After all that education and art (see above) you'll want to dumb it down and simply let loose. If all that bowling makes you hungry don't forget the accompanying 4th Street Bar & Grill that offers American cuisine. Head to www.thecorneralley.com for more.

by Ciara