Beyonce has been good with representing for the ladies, anthems that stroke our ego, giving us that extra ounce of confidence in the club, whenever we hear that song. “I don’t think you ready….,” “I’m a Survivor...,” “To the Left to the Left….” and “Diva is a female version……” She has been pretty on point with telling our men exactly how we feel, but the truth of the matter is that while Beyonce seems to be everyone’s emotional and lyrical spokeswoman, have we taken a look at ourselves as well, in the relationship to see in what ways we could’ve been wrong also? Are we taking these devastating break ups and learning from them? Or are we blaming the men every single time, when in reality, some of it was our own fault? I am not saying that every time you and your boo break up, low key, it was your fault and to blame yourself, but I am saying to look at the situation, look at what he did/didn’t do AND look at what you did and didn’t do also.
When a break up occurs, we as humans, male and female, have a tendency to quickly point the blame at the other person. “He kicked it too much.” She was always nagging.” He had wandering eyes/was too flirty.” She was too insecure.” And the list goes on. While some reasons may be legit, sometimes, we have to look at the person for who they are, look at ourselves for what we need to do to help save the relationship and look at the fact of if we feel that the work is really worth it.
Ladies, let me talk to you for a minute:
We all love to say that he was in the wrong. We all love to make him seem like the enemy when we talk to our friends about the break up. We all love to believe that it was all him and he was the reason why the relationship was ruined. It makes us feel safe, better about ourselves and most importantly, secure. So after the “emotional rollercoaster” of the “I miss him,” I hate him,” etc. we take it like a grain of salt and move on, or try to at least, but are we really moving on? We sweep the “problems from the past” under the rug, until they build up. But you can’t hide dirt under a rug but for so long. It needs to be cleaned or you will ruin the rug. We as women, cannot run from past situations and not deal with them, or they will ruin us as women. Our souls will be killed and then we become that “bitter woman”, the infamous syndrome that all men like to diagnose us with. So before moving on to the next man, really take the time to think about what went wrong in the last relationship. While it is likely that it was his doing, it could’ve as well had been your doing as well. Relationships in general, are like a domino effect, unfortunately. How one person acts, what they do and say are fed off of and then the next person reacts based off of those actions. So maybe he really does have those wandering eyes but maybe because you weren’t giving him the attention that he may have really wanted/needed. Or he could just be a loser. But as women, we need to learn and understand why our men do what they do instead of assuming it and trying to change them because that will only push them away, causing them to do the stupid things that they sometimes do.
Everyone knows the good ole saying, “Men are from Venus and Woman are from Mars.” This statement holds a lot of substance and truth and should be taken seriously. What we as women fail to realize or understand, is that men were built differently from women. I can take it back biblically, but I’m not going to today. Men aren’t emotional creatures. Therefore, they cannot relate to our emotions and to the small things that we are sensitive about. They weren’t built to think like us and we weren’t built to think like them. So we need to stop assuming that they know how we really feel about certain issue, because 9 times out of 10, they don’t and never will. I can go on and on about the differences between men and women, but instead I am going to strongly encourage all of my ladies out there, single and boo’ed up, to read “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn (http://www.shaunti.com.) After reading this book, a lot of light was shed on men and women and how we as women, need to try harder to better understand that important man in our life.
Once we decide within ourselves to understand and not assume, then I do believe that our relationships/friendships with the opposite sex could be a lot healthier and successful and I am speaking from personal experience. I can truly say that I am not as stressed out when it comes to men because I look at their actions differently now. I don’t excuse everything that they do, but it doesn’t get me as upset anymore and that’s what we women need, that sixth sense of not allowing men to destroy us emotionally, but to accept some, and I stress, SOME of their actions as they are, and working WITH them and not AGAINST them to help make them that better man that he is destined to be. Now that’s a real UPGRADE!
Now for the fellas, check out her book, “For Men Only” because you can learn a thing or two also, about the special lady in your life.
By Monisa
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